NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN D A M N I T O LTake 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 fullhours. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E NSuppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by remindingyou of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till theymoved out. ST. M O M M A'S W O R TPlant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolersunconscious for up to two days. P E P T O B I M B OLiquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowedbefore an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, andprevents conception. D U M B E R O LWhen taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resultingin enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O RIncreases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage andthe urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I NPotent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to suchlethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. " BUYAGRAInjectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency,duration, and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P I R I NRelieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,anniversary, phone n umber, or to lift the toilet seat. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N TA spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eagerto share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. N A G A M E N TWhen administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the sameirritation level as nagging him. Now, send these to any woman who needs a good laugh, and any man whocan handle it.