Friday, September 21, 2007
omg this is so sad omg!!!> Read this if you are against child abuse:> My name is Jamie >I am but three, >My eyes are> > swollen > I cannot>see, > I must be stupid> I must be bad, What else> > could have made > My daddy so mad?> I wish I were better >I wish I weren't ugly, > Then> maybe my mommy> Would still want to hug me. > I can't speak at all> I can't do> >a wrong > Or else I'm locked up >All the day long. When I awake> I'm all alone > The house is dark> > My folks aren't home. >When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice,> So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight. >Don't make a> sound!> I just heard a car> My daddy is back From> Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse >My name he calls > I press> myself >Against the wall. > I try and hide >From his> > evil eyes > I'm so afraid now >I'm starting to cry. > He finds me>weeping > He shouts ugly words, >He> says its my fault> That he suffers at work. >He slaps me and hits me >And yells at> me more, I finally get free >And I run for the door. > He's> already locked it > And I start to bawl,>He takes me and throws me >Against the hard> wall. > I fall to the> floor > With my bones nearly broken, >And my day continues >With more bad>words> spoken...> "I'm sorry!", I scream >But its now much too late > His face has> been twisted> Into unimaginable hate. > The hurt and the pain >Again and again Oh please God, have mercy!Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Jamie And I am but three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me. There are thousands of kids out there just > like Jamie. > And you can help. > It sickens me to my soul if you just read this> and don't pass it on I pray >for> you, because you would have to be one >heartless person> to not be> effected by this email. And because> you are > effected, do something about > it!! All I am asking you to do, is take some > time> to send this on and> acknowledge that this stuff does happen, and> that people like her dad do > live> in our> society, and I pray for child > abuse to wither> out and die, but > also pray for the safety of> our youth. > Please pass this poem on> because as crazy as > it might sound, it might just indirectly change a life.>Hey, you NEVER know. >Please add your name if you are> AGAINST CHILD>ABUSE >>> 1. Heather R >>> > >>>> > >> >>> 2.Brittany >>> > >>> 3. Kayla> > >> >>>> > >> >>>> > >>> 4. Hayley> > >> >>> >>> > >>>>5. ANTHONY VINGI... >>> > >>>> > >> >>>6.Dianne >>> >> > >> >>> 7. hollyann ( that is sad...sheesh)> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 8. Lilien..wtf no 1 deserves that shit >>> >> > >> >>> >>> 9.RoNniCa-Lilien ish rite. no one shud be >>> > >>>> > >> >>> treated like dat even >>> >> > >> >>>> tho............> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 10. MonicA N. >>> > >>> 11. Sarina> > >> >>> >>> >> > >> >>> 12. brandon >>> > >>> 13. Jennifer> > >> >>>R >>> > >>> 14. gabiii >>> > >>> 15.>sherise> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 16.> > >> >christine> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 17.Kellie >>> > >>> 18.heather B> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 19.Chris L. >>> >> > >> >>> 20. megan k> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 21. Debz P. >>> > >>> 22. Mandy M.> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 23.Juliann(against all the way) >>> >> > >> >>>> 24. Steven> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 25. Danielle >>> > >>> 26. allison> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 27. chris> > >> >>> > >>> 28. matt >>> >> >> >> >>> >>> 29. Franks (ppl pray for these children) >>> > >>>> > >> >>>30. Jacie(help the children) >>> >> > >> >>>> 31. the alex> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 32. Nicol >>> > >>> 33. eric >>> >> > >> >>> >>> 34.Kim >>> >> > >> >>> 35. Ashley >>> > >>>> > >> >>> 36.Terry >>> > >>> 37.Tom >>> > >>>> > >> >>>38.RJ >>> >> > >> >>>> 39.Debbie> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 40.Denny >>> > >>> 41.Chase H. >>>> > >> >>> > >>> 42. Jenny C. may God>have mercy on these children> > >>> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 43. Rachel >>> > >>> 44. Jessica B.> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 45. Joelle Y. >>> >> > >> >>>> 46. Trinise C. (Mercy on the children, and> > >> >>>God's Justic >>>for 47.Cassie J. {god bless> > >> >>>them}> > >> >>>>the parents)> > >> >>> >>> > >>> 47.Michelle >>> >> > >> >>> 48.Mekel >>>> > >> >>> > >>> 49.Tiffany >>> > >>> 50.Rashell Baum> > >> >>> >>> > >>>> > >> >51.Patrick Fay> > >> >>> >>>52.Tiffany>Andersen > >> > >> >>>53. NOELLE BARNEY > >>>>>>>>>>54. Steven> > >>> > >> >>>Smith > >>>>>>>> 55. Kati Rounds >>>>>>>> 56.> > >> >>>Carrera >>>>>>>> 57. Katie> > >> >>> >>>>>>>> 58.*~Stephanie Wilkinson~*>>>>>>>>59.!~BECKA KNUTSON~*> > >> >60. Shelby Hogue>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>61.~!Myriah!~ 62. >charlotteu>>>>>>>>>>>> 63. colleen Poppen. r SO rite Lilien!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
To those of us who have children in our lives,whether they are our owngrandchildren,nieces,nephews,or students...here is something to make you chuckle.Whenever your children are out of control,you can take comfort from the thought thateven God's omnipotence did not extendto His own children.After creating heaven and earth,God created Adam and Eve.And the first thing he said was"DON'T!"
"Don't what?"Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.
"Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "God replied,wondering why He hadn't stoppedcreation after making the elephants.A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple breakand He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "God asked.
"Uh huh,"Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "said the Father."I don't know,"said Eve.
"She started it! "Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,God's punishment was that Adam and Eveshould have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
"Don't what?"Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.
"Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "God replied,wondering why He hadn't stoppedcreation after making the elephants.A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple breakand He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "God asked.
"Uh huh,"Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "said the Father."I don't know,"said Eve.
"She started it! "Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,God's punishment was that Adam and Eveshould have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
Monday, September 17, 2007
redneck
Subject: Fw: Redneck Ingenuity
Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office? "Yes. What can I do for you?"I'm callin' to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's a-hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he getsit inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there somehow."Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where thefirewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.Shortly after they leave, the phone rings at
Virgil's house.Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... did the Sheriff come by?""Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!""HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!!"
Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office? "Yes. What can I do for you?"I'm callin' to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's a-hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he getsit inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there somehow."Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where thefirewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.Shortly after they leave, the phone rings at
Virgil's house.Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... did the Sheriff come by?""Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!""HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!!"
Someone has too much time on their hands!!!!!! Unbelievable
Subject: "AMAZING" math
Make sure you look all the way to the bottom! Math really does count.
Absolutely amazing! Beauty of Math!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it? And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this... 101% From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%. How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K>N>
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Subject: "AMAZING" math
Make sure you look all the way to the bottom! Math really does count.
Absolutely amazing! Beauty of Math!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it? And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this... 101% From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%. How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K>N>
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
This may be a repeat, if so sorry.
What are you doing Monday evening? I know what you need to be doing! Watching a debate like no other in history. We will actually be able to see the presidential canidate that the Lord has chosen!!!!! There have been a number of people fasting for 40 days so the Lord would indeed show His choice for our next President. They will be asked the hard questions... the ones that really matter to Christians.
It will be aired on Sky Angel. If you don't have that network it is also on DISH network . I believe Sky Angel is channel 262 on DISH. If you don't have access to either of these it will be streamlined on afa.net
It will start at 6 central time. it may start at 6:30 on AFA
You really won't want to miss this. Please inform everyone you know that care about our values.
What are you doing Monday evening? I know what you need to be doing! Watching a debate like no other in history. We will actually be able to see the presidential canidate that the Lord has chosen!!!!! There have been a number of people fasting for 40 days so the Lord would indeed show His choice for our next President. They will be asked the hard questions... the ones that really matter to Christians.
It will be aired on Sky Angel. If you don't have that network it is also on DISH network . I believe Sky Angel is channel 262 on DISH. If you don't have access to either of these it will be streamlined on afa.net
It will start at 6 central time. it may start at 6:30 on AFA
You really won't want to miss this. Please inform everyone you know that care about our values.
A 92-year-old, large, relaxed and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair combed and face shaved properly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled genuinely when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
3 drunk 3 sober 6 dead
After going to the bar Max got in his car Rushing, rushing down the road Unaware of his own alcohol loadDown at the station D.U.I swept across the scannerWith that off went Officer CannerRushing, rushing down the interstate unaware of his tragic fateMother and son trying to catch a flightDown the road she drove with all her mightRushing, rushing down the streetUnaware of whom they will meetTwo men in their carThey have also been to the barRushing, rushing down the pavementUnaware of their dire enslavement That day they met in a huge collision They wouldn’t if some hadn’t of made a bad decision Now they are all in their graveBecause of the knaveNow you know my pleaDon’t drive drunk or you’ll pay the ultimate fee
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas
mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk in his voice, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."
mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk in his voice, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."
Goodbye, Baby Brother. Goodbye, baby brother, Goodbye, big sister, Goodbye, sweet mother, Goodbye, dad, I'll miss ya. I was totally cool I knew what I was doing Only had a few drinks No harm in cruisin' But my then some stupid kid Ran out into the road I hit him, it was his fault prince turned back in2 the toad I got out the car "Hey kid, I'm sorry" But my sorry wuz 2 late I hit my baby brother, Corry. So thats why I can't live Can't live with this burden and pain I've gotta go now Can't start over again Take out the knife Slit ma wrists, im gonna see you now, corry, I don't wanna exist But heaven won't take me they knew I hit him How I wish i didn't take those drinks Then mayb he wouldn't hav been ripped, limb to limb. This is a TRUE STORY it happened 2 MI BESY FRIEND. Before she slit her wrists in the bath she wrote that poem. I wuz round her house, but downstairs watching the TV while she was supposedly havin a shower. I had been comforting her all night, but the burden wuz too much for her. I knocked on the door n found it open, went in and found her, totally naked in the crimson water. Clutching the peice of paper. You will be forever missed, Kimmy. You were a best friend to all. You did kill your little brother, but it was an accident. No-one blames you. Goodbye Corry, you were always so bright and playful, and never annoying. You had only been wiv us 6 years, and ife was snatched away. But we know you are now in a better place with God up in heaven, and until I die every day I will think of you. Can't wait to see you again. I'm sorry I betrayed you mummy, I'm sry I did'nt look after Kim like you asked before you died. I'm sry i neva understoof that cancer afected you and made you weak. I'm sry I still wanted more from you, when you were doing your best all along. I'm sorry I was ever born mummy. Mayb if I wasn't born you would still be here now. I'm sry mummy. I'm sorry for everything I'd done. I'm sry for the cancer. I'm sorry. I love you, mummy, and I've loved you ever since you died when I was 10, but I'm a big girl now, mummy, I've grown up 9 years. But I still think about you everyday, mummy. Kim, Corry, Mum. I'm sorry. For everything bad I've ever said, done or whispered behind your backs. I love you all. Please, neva drink -n- drive, it's not worth it. I hav never drank one drop of alcohol afta that. Plz, when u go out drink coke, or water.
Leaving from a party on my 21st year getting ready to drive home after 1 to many beers
I thought id make it safe I thought id be alright Not knowing what a waste Of life that passed me by I was driving down the road Not knowing what to expect When right around a corner There was a really bad wreck Not thinking to swirve Or even turn away I hit the aweful wreck Without a word to say Now im lying in my car police men all around im trapped in by a bar I cant hear a single sound I can hear my heart beat Getting slower by the minute I didnt think about my life and those people who were in it Have you ever lived my life Had this happen to you Watching your friends life pass you by and all your feelings come un glued Every day i think of him Every night i pray Dont you make the same mistake and end up like him someday
Joseph "Rollo" Simon Jan.7/88 - Sept.27/03 -The Weekend When God Recieved a New Angel- I Remember talking to him about plans for Tomorrow, I Never knew I would wake up to a world of Sorrow, I Remember it was around 1:30 or Two, I Remember you said "Ill meet you there Q," So I keep getting Intoxicated, Got to the party and Waited, I Remeber getting up and not wanting to Hear It, I Remember waking up not wanting to Believe It, I Didnt really want to listen to what anyone Said, I Didnt really want to believe he was Dead, Everyones telling me its going to be Okay, But it not. . .I just gotta Say, Drinking And Driver is Stupid I lost a Friend, So lets bring Drinking and Driving to an End I rather wake up and and feel the effect of the Alcohol, Than to Drink and Drive and Not Wake up At All. By: Quentin Sock aka "Q" This poem is written by one of Rollo's close friends. Rollo was killed by a drunk driver. He was only getting a ride to a party to meet his friends, but unfortunatly the driver was drinking. The driver lost control and crashed into a telephone pole which snapped in half. Rollo didnt make it to the party...he died instantly...the driver, well..she survied. Anything can happen so quik. So be careful. "You dont realize it untill it happens.....Drinking and driving kills"
I thought id make it safe I thought id be alright Not knowing what a waste Of life that passed me by I was driving down the road Not knowing what to expect When right around a corner There was a really bad wreck Not thinking to swirve Or even turn away I hit the aweful wreck Without a word to say Now im lying in my car police men all around im trapped in by a bar I cant hear a single sound I can hear my heart beat Getting slower by the minute I didnt think about my life and those people who were in it Have you ever lived my life Had this happen to you Watching your friends life pass you by and all your feelings come un glued Every day i think of him Every night i pray Dont you make the same mistake and end up like him someday
Joseph "Rollo" Simon Jan.7/88 - Sept.27/03 -The Weekend When God Recieved a New Angel- I Remember talking to him about plans for Tomorrow, I Never knew I would wake up to a world of Sorrow, I Remember it was around 1:30 or Two, I Remember you said "Ill meet you there Q," So I keep getting Intoxicated, Got to the party and Waited, I Remeber getting up and not wanting to Hear It, I Remember waking up not wanting to Believe It, I Didnt really want to listen to what anyone Said, I Didnt really want to believe he was Dead, Everyones telling me its going to be Okay, But it not. . .I just gotta Say, Drinking And Driver is Stupid I lost a Friend, So lets bring Drinking and Driving to an End I rather wake up and and feel the effect of the Alcohol, Than to Drink and Drive and Not Wake up At All. By: Quentin Sock aka "Q" This poem is written by one of Rollo's close friends. Rollo was killed by a drunk driver. He was only getting a ride to a party to meet his friends, but unfortunatly the driver was drinking. The driver lost control and crashed into a telephone pole which snapped in half. Rollo didnt make it to the party...he died instantly...the driver, well..she survied. Anything can happen so quik. So be careful. "You dont realize it untill it happens.....Drinking and driving kills"
Alcohol, hard to learn, but such a simple word. What people do not realize is that it is a dangerous substances mixed with driving. Within seconds it can change your life forever or maybe even cost you yours. As we all know drinking and driving do not mix. It is up to you to listen to that voice in your head telling you right from wrong. People will do stupid things its the only way that we learn even if its is the hard way. Maybe not today, or tomorrow but years from now you may be affected somehow by a drunk driver. When accedidents happen do you think of the long term? Like learning to walk and talk or learning to feed yourself? Rehabillitation is something noone should have to go through. So the next time you think about getting in the car when you or the driver is under the influence of anything think twice. Remember: YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE.
It all happened, Without a warning, Every ones thoughts, Had turned to mourning. The sons, the daughters, Were all so sad, But the youngest one couldn't grasp, That she had lost her dad. With a click of his belt, That's all it would take, To save his life, And more memories to make, Now that's past, And you try to move on, But it's even harder, When you had grown so fond Try not to worry, Just keep on grinning, This isn't the end, It's just the beginning. Written by Derek I remembrance of Mr. Torppa Hey guys, My big bro wrote this because his friend was toms daughter and i feel it should be shared. Mr. Torppa was a loved man in my area i babysat for one of his kids and his son's kids... its a very sad thing when your close to someone and you found out if someone just woulda stopped him from driving outta the bar that night he'd be ok right now. One of his sons is in my class and he will be forever changed along with the others in his family. Please, you guys, report the drunk drivings... you don't know who or how many people it will affect He had 4 wonderful children and 3 grandchildren. He will be missed very much :( Im Memory or Mr. Torppa
It all happened, Without a warning, Every ones thoughts, Had turned to mourning. The sons, the daughters, Were all so sad, But the youngest one couldn't grasp, That she had lost her dad. With a click of his belt, That's all it would take, To save his life, And more memories to make, Now that's past, And you try to move on, But it's even harder, When you had grown so fond Try not to worry, Just keep on grinning, This isn't the end, It's just the beginning. Written by Derek I remembrance of Mr. Torppa Hey guys, My big bro wrote this because his friend was toms daughter and i feel it should be shared. Mr. Torppa was a loved man in my area i babysat for one of his kids and his son's kids... its a very sad thing when your close to someone and you found out if someone just woulda stopped him from driving outta the bar that night he'd be ok right now. One of his sons is in my class and he will be forever changed along with the others in his family. Please, you guys, report the drunk drivings... you don't know who or how many people it will affect He had 4 wonderful children and 3 grandchildren. He will be missed very much :( Im Memory or Mr. Torppa
MUST BE OBEYED
1. ALWAY DENIY EVRY THING IN TRUE BART STYLIE "I DIDN'T DO IT U CAN'T PROVE NE THING
2.U MUST BE A PAIN IN THE ASS AT ALL TIMES
3. U MUST USE SWEAR WORD'Z AT ALL TIMES.
4. UR TABLE MANNER SHUD BE THAT OF THE ZOO'Z I FIND THAT THE PIG IZ A G8T EXAMPLE
5. U SHUD CONTANTLY BURP FART ( DRINK LOT OF FIZZY POP EAT LOAD'Z WILL DO THE TRICK).
6. U SHUD ALLWAYZ PICK UR NOSE IN PUBLIC.
7. IF U AV SPOT SQUEEZE THEM MAKE SURE TO LEAVE PUSS ON THE MIRROR 8.CONTANTLY PLAY TRICKZ ON PEOPLE( MY FAV WUD AV 2 BE THE CLING FLIM ON DA LOO TRICK GET THEM ALL THE TIME MWAHUHAA)
9. UR ROOM SHUD ALLWAY BE MESSY THE MORE FILTH THE BETTER
10. LAST BUT NOT LEAST NVR DO NE THING UR PARENT'Z ASK U 2 DO U MUST FOLLOW THESE 10 SIMPLE RULE 2 BE AN GREAT TEENAGER
1. ALWAY DENIY EVRY THING IN TRUE BART STYLIE "I DIDN'T DO IT U CAN'T PROVE NE THING
2.U MUST BE A PAIN IN THE ASS AT ALL TIMES
3. U MUST USE SWEAR WORD'Z AT ALL TIMES.
4. UR TABLE MANNER SHUD BE THAT OF THE ZOO'Z I FIND THAT THE PIG IZ A G8T EXAMPLE
5. U SHUD CONTANTLY BURP FART ( DRINK LOT OF FIZZY POP EAT LOAD'Z WILL DO THE TRICK).
6. U SHUD ALLWAYZ PICK UR NOSE IN PUBLIC.
7. IF U AV SPOT SQUEEZE THEM MAKE SURE TO LEAVE PUSS ON THE MIRROR 8.CONTANTLY PLAY TRICKZ ON PEOPLE( MY FAV WUD AV 2 BE THE CLING FLIM ON DA LOO TRICK GET THEM ALL THE TIME MWAHUHAA)
9. UR ROOM SHUD ALLWAY BE MESSY THE MORE FILTH THE BETTER
10. LAST BUT NOT LEAST NVR DO NE THING UR PARENT'Z ASK U 2 DO U MUST FOLLOW THESE 10 SIMPLE RULE 2 BE AN GREAT TEENAGER
10 simple rules
10 simple rules for dating my daughter RULE ONE: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better hbe delivering a package because you’re sure as hell not picking anything up. RULE TWO: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. RULE THREE: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. RULE FOUR: I thought I’d make it a bit easier and give you rule four off, but don’t worry there’s still rule 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and rule 10! RULE FIVE: In order for us to get to know each other, you might think that we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”. RULE SIX: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. RULE SEVEN: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour has gone by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for a movie you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don’t’ you do something useful, like change the oil in my car? RULE EIGHT: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool Places where there are no parent’s, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are ok. Old folk homes are better. RULE NINE: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowoing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and 5 acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. RULE TEN: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Saigon. Whem y agent orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
A Few Pieces Of Advice For Life
Useful Advice
1.Stop yourself before doing something that you know is wrong.
2.Set yourself a goal for each new day and try to achieve it.
3.Be optimistic thinking positive makes you feel a lot happier.
4.If someone breaks a second chance then they’re not worthy of your time.
5.Don’t always believe what it says on an advertisement.
6.Peer pressure is always the toughest part of saying no, the second is guilt.
7.However bad you feel there is always someone even more unlucky.
8.Do encourage yourself to keep an open mind about a subject, bias creates prejudice.
9.How could you possibly know every fact on an issue, listen and you may discover new things. 10.Let someone know you care by a small gesture, making a frequent effort is much more appreciated than a single expensive gift.
11.Do you actually care that they hate you or do you constantly bother about what people think? 12.Never tell someone you love them unless you mean it, lust is a new shallow thing about looks, love is much deeper.
13.A thought for the day is one way of preventing self obsession.
14.Email people, call people or write letters to show you are thinking of them because it may be your last chance.
15.Can’t is an excuse for being afraid of doing wrong
16.Falling out with your parents is pointless, they fed you, clothed you and gave you a chance on this earth so why would you want to be ungrateful?
17.Try something different at least once a month you may grow to like it.
18.Distinguish between fact and opinions confusion becomes an accusation
19.Looks aren’t everything as you’ve probably heard many times before but always try to look your best it boosts your self-esteem.
20.Obsessions take over your life, try to vary things a bit more to avoid this.
21.You will learn who your friends are because they are the ones who stick by you.
22.Worrying about the past is pointless, you cannot erase your mistakes, but you can prevent yourself from making the same one again.
23.However much you love your possessions, nothing lasts forever so make the most of them while you still can.
24.Rule breaking on purpose shows a lack of commitment.
25.Walk more places so that you can get exercise and take a longer route on a nice day to enjoy the ever-changing weather.
26.Singing, however bad you may be, makes you feel happier.
27.Sometimes all you need to unwind is a hot bath, a good magazine and some chocolate.
28.You know how your parents said never talk to strangers, ignore this, it is polite to smile or say “hi” if they address you first.
29.Did you notice that sometimes things happen for a reason.
30.Is cool to worship god?
1.Stop yourself before doing something that you know is wrong.
2.Set yourself a goal for each new day and try to achieve it.
3.Be optimistic thinking positive makes you feel a lot happier.
4.If someone breaks a second chance then they’re not worthy of your time.
5.Don’t always believe what it says on an advertisement.
6.Peer pressure is always the toughest part of saying no, the second is guilt.
7.However bad you feel there is always someone even more unlucky.
8.Do encourage yourself to keep an open mind about a subject, bias creates prejudice.
9.How could you possibly know every fact on an issue, listen and you may discover new things. 10.Let someone know you care by a small gesture, making a frequent effort is much more appreciated than a single expensive gift.
11.Do you actually care that they hate you or do you constantly bother about what people think? 12.Never tell someone you love them unless you mean it, lust is a new shallow thing about looks, love is much deeper.
13.A thought for the day is one way of preventing self obsession.
14.Email people, call people or write letters to show you are thinking of them because it may be your last chance.
15.Can’t is an excuse for being afraid of doing wrong
16.Falling out with your parents is pointless, they fed you, clothed you and gave you a chance on this earth so why would you want to be ungrateful?
17.Try something different at least once a month you may grow to like it.
18.Distinguish between fact and opinions confusion becomes an accusation
19.Looks aren’t everything as you’ve probably heard many times before but always try to look your best it boosts your self-esteem.
20.Obsessions take over your life, try to vary things a bit more to avoid this.
21.You will learn who your friends are because they are the ones who stick by you.
22.Worrying about the past is pointless, you cannot erase your mistakes, but you can prevent yourself from making the same one again.
23.However much you love your possessions, nothing lasts forever so make the most of them while you still can.
24.Rule breaking on purpose shows a lack of commitment.
25.Walk more places so that you can get exercise and take a longer route on a nice day to enjoy the ever-changing weather.
26.Singing, however bad you may be, makes you feel happier.
27.Sometimes all you need to unwind is a hot bath, a good magazine and some chocolate.
28.You know how your parents said never talk to strangers, ignore this, it is polite to smile or say “hi” if they address you first.
29.Did you notice that sometimes things happen for a reason.
30.Is cool to worship god?
51 wayz to annoy ppl
Wayz to annoy ppl
1) Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you ''like it that way.''
2) Drum on every available surface.
3) Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
4) Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5) Phone the operator and ask for dates.
6) Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
7) Specify that your drive-through order is ''to go.''
8) Set alarms for random times.
9) Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off.
10) Honk and wave to strangers.
11) Dress only in clothes coloured hunter's Orange.
12) Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
13) Tape over climactic parts of rental movies.
14) Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
15) dont use any punctuation
16) Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 17) Pay for your dinner with pennies.
18) Infact, pay for everything in pennies
19) Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
20) Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: ''Do you hear that?'' ''What?''"Never mind, it's gone now.''
21) Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
22) Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
23) Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
24) At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
25) As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 26) Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. (This is especially effective on the train or bus)
27) Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
28) Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
29) Try playing a song by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce ''No, wait, I messed it up'' and repeat.
30) Name your dog ''Dog.''
31) Ask people what gender they are
32) Reply to everything someone says with ''Well that's what YOU think.''
33) Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was "a real hoot''.
34) Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of air freshener.
35) Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as 'Amarillo'
36) Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
37) Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
38) Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
39) Moo when someone says your name
40) Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
41) Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
42) Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
43) Wear a LOT of cologne.
44) Sing along at the opera.
45) Finish all your sentences with the words''in accordance with the prophesy.''
46) Scuff your feet on a dry, Shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
47) Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
48) Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
49) Construct elaborate ''crop circles'' in your front lawn.
50) Stare at random people and say "You've lost weight"
51) When people try to talk to you, go "Shh I'm trying to listen"
Submitted by mc_sousinha@hotmail.com 35
1) Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you ''like it that way.''
2) Drum on every available surface.
3) Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
4) Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5) Phone the operator and ask for dates.
6) Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
7) Specify that your drive-through order is ''to go.''
8) Set alarms for random times.
9) Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off.
10) Honk and wave to strangers.
11) Dress only in clothes coloured hunter's Orange.
12) Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
13) Tape over climactic parts of rental movies.
14) Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
15) dont use any punctuation
16) Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 17) Pay for your dinner with pennies.
18) Infact, pay for everything in pennies
19) Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
20) Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: ''Do you hear that?'' ''What?''"Never mind, it's gone now.''
21) Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
22) Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
23) Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
24) At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
25) As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 26) Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. (This is especially effective on the train or bus)
27) Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
28) Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
29) Try playing a song by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce ''No, wait, I messed it up'' and repeat.
30) Name your dog ''Dog.''
31) Ask people what gender they are
32) Reply to everything someone says with ''Well that's what YOU think.''
33) Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was "a real hoot''.
34) Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of air freshener.
35) Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as 'Amarillo'
36) Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
37) Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
38) Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
39) Moo when someone says your name
40) Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
41) Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
42) Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
43) Wear a LOT of cologne.
44) Sing along at the opera.
45) Finish all your sentences with the words''in accordance with the prophesy.''
46) Scuff your feet on a dry, Shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
47) Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
48) Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
49) Construct elaborate ''crop circles'' in your front lawn.
50) Stare at random people and say "You've lost weight"
51) When people try to talk to you, go "Shh I'm trying to listen"
Submitted by mc_sousinha@hotmail.com 35
Abortion
When i was 16.Trust me if your considering it, Its best to reconsider.It hurts.Mentally, physically emotionally.It haunts me every day of my life.Its been almost 2 years its not okay.Im not okay.I'd never wish this sort of pain on anyone.So im begging any female who is having one, not to do it.Trust me, I know its not easy being young pregnant.But you'll regret it, SeriouslyIm not some christan fuddy-duddy telling you its wrong, Because i dont believe it is. Im not hypocritical.Im writing this in hope to save someone, Maybe even 1 person from living with the hate that i live with. Its not easy. it doesnt just go away
.Email me if you want help.x.murder.dollxhotmail.com
FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO THINK ABORTION IS WRONG ITS NOT.THERE ARE CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH WILL MAKE IT OK IE: BEING RAPED OR SEXUALLY ASSUAULTED IF YOU WERE TO KEEP THAT BABY IT WOULD HAUNT YOU FOR ETERNITY EVERYTIME YOU LOOK AT THAT CHILD IT WOULD BE A CONSTANT REMINDER OF THE NIGHTMARE YOU HAD TO ENDURE.MONEY IS ALSO AN ISSUE YOU CANT HAVE A BABY WITHOUT MONEY UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO PUT IT UP FOR ADOPTION.YOU WOULDNT WANT TO BRING A BABY UP IN VIOLENCE AND POVERTY YOU WOULD WANT IT TO HAVE THE BEST LIFE IT POSSIBLY COULDMOST PREGNANCY'S THESE DAYS ARE UNPLANNED AND CAN BE QUITE UNEXPECTED. THAT IS WHY MOST ABORTIONS ARE IN WOMEN UNDER THE AGE OF 18. THE CHOICE TO KEEP OR ABORT YOUR PREGNANCY IS YOURS AND NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.YOU ARE NOT A MURDERER YOU ARE HUMAN
Indeed we are free in these United States. Every life granted its equal rights. Only moral-deprived people like YOU find their justification in technicalities in the law and a means by which to exploit it. I am pro-life because I support an unborn child's right to continue living. No, it will not be born into poverty like you put so pessimistically. THAT is the fault of the parents. But there are parents out there that are willing to protect them. The ratio of parents willing to adopt to abortions per year is 3:1. Who are we to decide whats best for children. If some of you are willing to destroy it than you are not, and never will be worthy of the title mother.
forwardgargen.com
.Email me if you want help.x.murder.dollxhotmail.com
FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO THINK ABORTION IS WRONG ITS NOT.THERE ARE CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH WILL MAKE IT OK IE: BEING RAPED OR SEXUALLY ASSUAULTED IF YOU WERE TO KEEP THAT BABY IT WOULD HAUNT YOU FOR ETERNITY EVERYTIME YOU LOOK AT THAT CHILD IT WOULD BE A CONSTANT REMINDER OF THE NIGHTMARE YOU HAD TO ENDURE.MONEY IS ALSO AN ISSUE YOU CANT HAVE A BABY WITHOUT MONEY UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO PUT IT UP FOR ADOPTION.YOU WOULDNT WANT TO BRING A BABY UP IN VIOLENCE AND POVERTY YOU WOULD WANT IT TO HAVE THE BEST LIFE IT POSSIBLY COULDMOST PREGNANCY'S THESE DAYS ARE UNPLANNED AND CAN BE QUITE UNEXPECTED. THAT IS WHY MOST ABORTIONS ARE IN WOMEN UNDER THE AGE OF 18. THE CHOICE TO KEEP OR ABORT YOUR PREGNANCY IS YOURS AND NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.YOU ARE NOT A MURDERER YOU ARE HUMAN
Indeed we are free in these United States. Every life granted its equal rights. Only moral-deprived people like YOU find their justification in technicalities in the law and a means by which to exploit it. I am pro-life because I support an unborn child's right to continue living. No, it will not be born into poverty like you put so pessimistically. THAT is the fault of the parents. But there are parents out there that are willing to protect them. The ratio of parents willing to adopt to abortions per year is 3:1. Who are we to decide whats best for children. If some of you are willing to destroy it than you are not, and never will be worthy of the title mother.
forwardgargen.com
Retirement Living
- Where to Live After Retirement
You can live in Phoenix , Arizona, where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought You can Live in New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. . You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. You can Live in the Deep South where...1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Joe, Jim Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Susie Beth, Tammy Fay, etc. You can live in Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
AND You can live in Florida where… 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
know your hymns
Dentist's Hymn...............................Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman's Hymn.....................There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor's Hymn.........................The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn..........................Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn.........................There's a Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn....................Standing on the Promises Optometrist's Hymn.......................Open My Eyes That I Might See The IRS Agent's Hymn...................I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn........................Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn..................Send The Light The Shopper's Hymn.....................Sweet Bye and Bye The Realtor's Hymn........................I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop The Massage Therapists Hymn....He Touched Me The Doctor's Hymn........................The Great Physician And for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns: 45 mph........................................God Will Take Care of You 65 mph........................................Nearer My God To Thee 85 mph........................................This World Is Not My Home 95 mph........................................Lord, I'm Coming Home 100 mph......................................Precious Memories Give me a sense of humor, Lord Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.
This is long but so sadly true of our day and age.
The Good Samaritan
A certain man while walking along a highway was attacked by some thieves, who beat him terribly and robbed him. Then they left him wounded and bleeding along the side of the road.By chance there came a charismatic Catholic and a reformed Jew walking along that way. When they saw the man, they passed by on the other side. Likewise, a bible-toting Baptist, a proud to be "full-Gospel"Pentecostal, a "word-walking" plain-old Protestant, and even a couple of New Age Unitarian Universal existentialists happened along, while on their way to an inter-faith community leaders conference. As each one in turn came upon the man and saw him lying helplessly beside the highway, all passed by on the other side.However, a certain Samaritan as he was walking came to where the injured man was, and when he saw him he had compassion on him. Being on foot and without any means or provisions to render aid, the Samaritan ran two miles to the nearest public telephone and hurriedly dialed 911.Because funding for the police, paramedic and fire rescue services had all been drastically cut, being woefully under-staffed there was no unit available to send, especially not to such an out-of-the-way place. The emergency dispatcher immediately gave the sympathetic Samaritan a referral list of private ambulance companies to contact.One-by-one the Samaritan called each of the ambulance companies, but all required a cash deposit prior to actual transport of the patient,which they would be happy to charge to the "financially responsible party" on any valid American Express, Master Charge or Visa Card. In lieu of a cash deposit, only a limited number of health insurance plans were accepted, providing they could obtain prior authorization from the health care provider for ambulance services (but no HMO's or PPO's).In vain, the Samaritan tried to explain that the thieves had stripped the man naked and left him penniless without his wallet; there was noway to show proof of health care coverage even if he had any! The Samaritan was praised and verbally applauded for his valiant efforts to act as an advocate on the injured man's behalf, but since he was unable to secure the required deposit, he was politely refused service. The Samaritan was told not to worry himself any more about the victimized man. Someone else has probably already come along and,seeing the man's plight, provided assistance.Not to be thwarted in his effort to get help for the badly injured and hopelessly stranded stranger, the Samaritan hurried off in the direction of the nearest town. With an air of expectancy he entered the first establishment he found, which was a "rental-car" agency.Although all he wanted to do was get the fallen traveler into town as quickly as possible, as soon as the rental car clerk learned why the Samaritan wanted to rent one of their cars, he immediately turned the Samaritan away citing the regulatory terms of the "liability coverage"on their entire fleet, which strictly prohibited the use of any of their vehicles to transport the handicapped or disabled. Their insurance contract also prohibited use of rental vehicles for commuter transport or car pools.Even though the Samaritan patiently explained that none of these exclusions were applicable in this case, the apprehensive desk clerk insisted there was nothing he could do. According to company policy the matter required the approval of the office manager, who would not be available until the following Monday morning; but if he'd like to leave his name and number, he would ask the manager to get back to hi mas soon as possible.Seeing that any further attempt to reason with the clerk would be futile, the Samaritan sighed deeply to himself as he left the rental agency and hurried down the street to the local drug store to buy some first aid items with which he could temporarily treat the bleeding man's wounds. Once he finally reached the register, to his utter dismay, the Samaritan was astonished to learn that without a major credit card or bank check guarantee card, (regardless of how urgent the circumstances were) without proper identification, the drugstore clerk (according to their store policy) steadfastly refused to accept his out-of-town check. The Samaritan could not even purchase necessary bandages or ointment for the injured man's wounds. In desperation the Samaritan traded his coat with the merchant for a box of Band-Aids and some antiseptic swabs.It was with a heavy heart that the Samaritan began his return journey on foot. The irony served to reinforce his determination to get back to the helpless man.On his way through town the Samaritan spotted a congenial looking community church. Thank God, he thought as hope sprang up in his heart. Here he knew he would find "like-minded people" who would lend a helping hand. The Samaritan hurried up the steps and knocked on the office door. With the pastor's help and the church's van, he thought,we'll be able to get to the injured man before dark!In the pastor's comfortable study, the Samaritan listened silently as the pastor (while patting the Samaritan frequently on the shoulder)explained how he'd really like to help the poor fellow who was injured, but unfortunately it was entirely out of his hands. In are cent vote, the church council members had unanimously decided that church's new maxi-van was to be exclusively reserved for "group functions" of the church membership only.The Pastor enthusiastically commended the Samaritan for wanting to help the man. He expressed his utmost admiration for the Samaritan's compassion and lavished a steady stream of compliments upon him concerning his Christian zeal, as he slowly but deliberately ushered the Samaritan to the door. While insisting he was not insensitive to the injured man's plight, the pastor applauded the Samaritan's willingness to take up "the man's cause," but he didn't think he or his church should get involved, who knows what kind of liabilities there might be...Once again the Samaritan was turned away. The pastor apologetically handed the Samaritan a list of various other city, county, and public health agencies that he thought would be better suited to this particular need.After searching from dusk until after dark, the Samaritan finally relocated the body of the mortally wounded man, laying in a ditch beside the highway. Chasing away stray dogs which had come to lick the bleeding wounds, the Samaritan stood quietly beside the now lifeless corpse. Prolonged exposure to the elements had been more than his beaten body could bear. Bending down beside the bruised and broken body, the loving Samaritan put out His nail-scarred hand and gently closed the dead man's eyes... while tenderly caressing the man's battered face, Jesus wept.
A certain man while walking along a highway was attacked by some thieves, who beat him terribly and robbed him. Then they left him wounded and bleeding along the side of the road.By chance there came a charismatic Catholic and a reformed Jew walking along that way. When they saw the man, they passed by on the other side. Likewise, a bible-toting Baptist, a proud to be "full-Gospel"Pentecostal, a "word-walking" plain-old Protestant, and even a couple of New Age Unitarian Universal existentialists happened along, while on their way to an inter-faith community leaders conference. As each one in turn came upon the man and saw him lying helplessly beside the highway, all passed by on the other side.However, a certain Samaritan as he was walking came to where the injured man was, and when he saw him he had compassion on him. Being on foot and without any means or provisions to render aid, the Samaritan ran two miles to the nearest public telephone and hurriedly dialed 911.Because funding for the police, paramedic and fire rescue services had all been drastically cut, being woefully under-staffed there was no unit available to send, especially not to such an out-of-the-way place. The emergency dispatcher immediately gave the sympathetic Samaritan a referral list of private ambulance companies to contact.One-by-one the Samaritan called each of the ambulance companies, but all required a cash deposit prior to actual transport of the patient,which they would be happy to charge to the "financially responsible party" on any valid American Express, Master Charge or Visa Card. In lieu of a cash deposit, only a limited number of health insurance plans were accepted, providing they could obtain prior authorization from the health care provider for ambulance services (but no HMO's or PPO's).In vain, the Samaritan tried to explain that the thieves had stripped the man naked and left him penniless without his wallet; there was noway to show proof of health care coverage even if he had any! The Samaritan was praised and verbally applauded for his valiant efforts to act as an advocate on the injured man's behalf, but since he was unable to secure the required deposit, he was politely refused service. The Samaritan was told not to worry himself any more about the victimized man. Someone else has probably already come along and,seeing the man's plight, provided assistance.Not to be thwarted in his effort to get help for the badly injured and hopelessly stranded stranger, the Samaritan hurried off in the direction of the nearest town. With an air of expectancy he entered the first establishment he found, which was a "rental-car" agency.Although all he wanted to do was get the fallen traveler into town as quickly as possible, as soon as the rental car clerk learned why the Samaritan wanted to rent one of their cars, he immediately turned the Samaritan away citing the regulatory terms of the "liability coverage"on their entire fleet, which strictly prohibited the use of any of their vehicles to transport the handicapped or disabled. Their insurance contract also prohibited use of rental vehicles for commuter transport or car pools.Even though the Samaritan patiently explained that none of these exclusions were applicable in this case, the apprehensive desk clerk insisted there was nothing he could do. According to company policy the matter required the approval of the office manager, who would not be available until the following Monday morning; but if he'd like to leave his name and number, he would ask the manager to get back to hi mas soon as possible.Seeing that any further attempt to reason with the clerk would be futile, the Samaritan sighed deeply to himself as he left the rental agency and hurried down the street to the local drug store to buy some first aid items with which he could temporarily treat the bleeding man's wounds. Once he finally reached the register, to his utter dismay, the Samaritan was astonished to learn that without a major credit card or bank check guarantee card, (regardless of how urgent the circumstances were) without proper identification, the drugstore clerk (according to their store policy) steadfastly refused to accept his out-of-town check. The Samaritan could not even purchase necessary bandages or ointment for the injured man's wounds. In desperation the Samaritan traded his coat with the merchant for a box of Band-Aids and some antiseptic swabs.It was with a heavy heart that the Samaritan began his return journey on foot. The irony served to reinforce his determination to get back to the helpless man.On his way through town the Samaritan spotted a congenial looking community church. Thank God, he thought as hope sprang up in his heart. Here he knew he would find "like-minded people" who would lend a helping hand. The Samaritan hurried up the steps and knocked on the office door. With the pastor's help and the church's van, he thought,we'll be able to get to the injured man before dark!In the pastor's comfortable study, the Samaritan listened silently as the pastor (while patting the Samaritan frequently on the shoulder)explained how he'd really like to help the poor fellow who was injured, but unfortunately it was entirely out of his hands. In are cent vote, the church council members had unanimously decided that church's new maxi-van was to be exclusively reserved for "group functions" of the church membership only.The Pastor enthusiastically commended the Samaritan for wanting to help the man. He expressed his utmost admiration for the Samaritan's compassion and lavished a steady stream of compliments upon him concerning his Christian zeal, as he slowly but deliberately ushered the Samaritan to the door. While insisting he was not insensitive to the injured man's plight, the pastor applauded the Samaritan's willingness to take up "the man's cause," but he didn't think he or his church should get involved, who knows what kind of liabilities there might be...Once again the Samaritan was turned away. The pastor apologetically handed the Samaritan a list of various other city, county, and public health agencies that he thought would be better suited to this particular need.After searching from dusk until after dark, the Samaritan finally relocated the body of the mortally wounded man, laying in a ditch beside the highway. Chasing away stray dogs which had come to lick the bleeding wounds, the Samaritan stood quietly beside the now lifeless corpse. Prolonged exposure to the elements had been more than his beaten body could bear. Bending down beside the bruised and broken body, the loving Samaritan put out His nail-scarred hand and gently closed the dead man's eyes... while tenderly caressing the man's battered face, Jesus wept.
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